just like mood swings, things can change really fast. but if it is tadhana, expect that it will be different.

yesterday, i was happy and contented. my only qualm is when my prof decided to move the exam due on 24  to this coming sunday. cursed all the saints because i have already an scheduled exam for conflicts and already planned how i'm going to study for the subject as well as for others. my first thought after recieving the info, how am i going to study for the subject, considering that it is civ2, and civ2 cannot work with the short notice? and how about for my conflicts exam, and specpro prior to that date? is my time sufficient enough to cover all the readings? argh!

but i let it go... again, what can i do but to just suck it up.

this morning, upon waking up, i only ranted because i overslept. should have woken at around 2 am so i can study, but instead, woke up at around 7am. but hey, that won't make my day bad right? i mean, even the idea to dwell on it is petty enough. no problem really. after preparing for school, went  to comp to check some mails, when i noticed that i have one unread messege in fb. it was from my sister. the messege was short, she only told me that my mom texted her about the result of my dad's biopsy, positive, prostrate cancer.

and just like that, mood swings, fate... is there, fucking with me, fucking with us.

but no, now is not the time to cry. pretended as if nothing happen, feigning my tears due to lack of sleep. i went to school. froma coffee shop, decided to study instead in the lib due to senti instrumental shit that the shop were playing. while in the lib, a classmate told me that one of my classmate asked our prof in crimrev if he be allowed to take the exam in crim on 18 instead of the agreed date which will be on the 27. i was irritated and cursed repeatedly because of the possibility that our prof would just change the exam date on 18 and disregard the previous agreement.

then and there, i broke up....

i've been trying really hard to put a smile. but no, my father is really sick, and it is cancer.

yesterday,i was damn happy, very very very much contented. now... argh!

what to say...

final exam streched in 3 weeks. a good thing maybe because i can study for my subjects, not. some still have  recits and decided to continue with the the lecture due to class suspensions caused by the 2 typhoons. some decided to have the exams on earlier schedule, even on sunday.

breath in....; digest for civ2, backlog in crim rev, the expected unimaginable-ness of labor exam, specpro and legmed due this sat, pil for thurs, conflicts on sunday, removal for civpro w/c i haven't read since this sem started... breath out.

breath out

breath out.

a little rant:

first, i'm thankful that atty. D still gave me 76% for my mid in pil, despite professing  that he's going to deduct 30%as i failed to write my name on my test paper. again, thank you. BUT, what's with the 72% recit grade?! i mean, i know that i didn't aced his one-time-big-time-recit, but to have a grade similar to those who miserably failed, while those who passed, some of them even felt that they've got lucky [w/c i felt, umhhh, yeah, we know that you don't deserve it]. i'm not grade conscious or what-not nor i despair the success of others. i'm irritated because; one, i'm taking this subject for the second time, two, because atty.d  gave us a condition that we only need to pass two of the any of the ff. his mid, finals, and class standing, third, since i flunked my class standing, added pressure for my final exam this thurs, and lastly, unfair, really sir, 72% for my recit... really?

and yeah... one of the notorious prof when it comes to being too subjective on how he computes grades. wishmeluck.

what else...

on the lighter side.

got a good midterm results for my specpro [82%], conflicts [90%, i'm the higest btw hehehe] and civ2 [80%]. for labor rev, 61% is good enough considering that iin atty. tan's standards, 50% is pass, below is dq, 60 is good, 70 a genius, 75-80% is a unicorn, 85% is once every century, and 90% is the end of the world.  legmed, hahahaha 66%, in short, bagsak. fro crimrev, another problem. didn't study for the exam and failed to finished the same. grades, not yet release... just hoping for the best for my finals to make up with the expected low result.

prayers, wish sticks and daily mantra to not fail a subject, is coming into fruition. fingers-crossed, NO FLUNKING GRADE FOR THIS SEM.

social life, almost zero. except for one promiscuous night [lol]. it is one of those silly thing that i feel like i must do during this lifetime... and yeah, umh...  that was very different. will i try it again... perhaps, if opportunity presents itself hahaha.... but NO, i'm not going to look nor crave for it, which is extreme for and very umhhh unlike me.

less the extraordinariness of it, i mean, on ordinary or usual form of it [hahahaha, on me trying to omit some essentials], though being too overrated, one thing i'm sure of; despite of its shallowness, i feel great profoundness. how should i put it... those embraces and kisses, the pressure of it, conviction was there. question that perhaps it was only an instinct... i would say no, it is honesty. and more than satisfying pleasure and desires, the bottom-line really is that, there is a cycle of acceptance and reassurance. in the process, even the cheesiness of love, despite of having a clause of no-string attached, was temporarily, very real. perhaps that why it is called as such.

[disclaimer: i'm not a perv, it is just that i'm single and there's no commitment that i need to maintain]

finals is coming. watched my profs in their mini concert, had 2 cups of beers, and a threesome just a while ago. then decided to stay in dunkin to study, and now i'm contemplating whether to sleep or to just continue with this ambition. 

and yeah, it's overated. as always.

not saying though that i'm saying the truth here...

argh! i need some release for all this friggin stres [rhyme? that's poetry! -j.mark]

finals. finals. finals.

aja!

and yeah... i don't know if i can keep up on this day, for all its holiness, i'm damned!

but must keep on going...

and that's incoherence! bow.

i've been very unfaithful with you tabbie. sorry. been busy for the past weeks and everytime i failed to write an entry, it becomes harder to write the following day and so on. perhaps, i've become less concern to even wonder and rant about stuffs  on daily basis.  ish-y,  i learned how to suck things up and just go with what i have, which is kinda sad. i'm becoming boring than the kind of "bland" person as i was before. imagination, where art thou? argh! i need a life.

but i can't complain. i decided to prioritized my studiies... even how futile it may seems sometimes. but i'll get there, kunting iri nlanag to... 

exams were dreadful, pending pil and crimrev. civ2, arghhhhh, uribs, you have one effing brilliant mind that left me unsure whether i had taken oblicon in my freshies. your mcq, arghhhhhhh!!! labrev, mcq was like undergoing cesarean ala butcher's way [i.e. less anesthesia]. specpro, sir, excuse me, is this a statement or a question? argh!

my long weekend, let just say that i had to study in saturday for exam in sunday. woke up the following day to attend a make up class in civ2 not expecting anything but a lecture, only to be surprised by a surprise quiz, not one, but two surprise quizzes [never thought that it is possible to be surprised twice in a singe instance]. got 35% for the first quiz and 55% for the 2nd one... BU-hayyyyyyy. my tuesday was my only holdiay, a snorefest. come sat, took an exam in legmed. sunday, exam in civ2, and overslept the following day for my labrev.hence sabaw during the exams... had to rely the time i spend studying for the subject 3 days prior that day and 4 hrs before the exam, and stock knowledge, if my guesses were right.

argh!

now, i'm itching to have a new haircut... razors, time for another semikalbo.

in a word, i cannot point out as to why i keep on coming back.

certainly, hope/hoping is not the cause of this sentiment. longing perhaps. fuck that! 

why?

after all this years... you're still there, somewhere in my peripherals.

argh! loser me. haven't seen you for errr couple of years till present. no contacts. i assumed that i already forgot or at the very least, feel unaffected by it.  yet, i'm still too stupid to feel this way. imba ka!

perhaps... perhaps... you're the only person i truly "loved..." 

argh! hate this feeling, as i don't have much control not to give in. pathetic.

can't help it. i know, i know, iyakin aq.

the thing with stress, it works magic, and today, i can't help but to laugh. an evil laugh. coupled it by being a cross breed between a waray and bicolano... a recipe for disaster. even surprised my self when i gave a dirty finger to complete strangers, just because they were rude and cussing while inside the jeepney and flaming about muslims. argh! bigotry. can't believe that they do still exist! i'm not even apologetic over what i've done despite of the bad taste, they deserve it. on the contrary, giving dirty finger is quite liberating... "i'm alive!" i thought afterwards, and this made my day in the weirdest turn of event. i can't even help that from time to time, coming out of nowhere, i smile  or laugh. though i try to restrain my expression while in public. mahirap na, people might accused me as one of those people who already crossed the borderline.

with a sigh, i just let a portion of myself die. but what can i do when keeping it to myself becomes a burden unbearable to handle; especially when trying my best seems irrelevant. 

but no... this will not make me give up. this is just one of those days or even weeks perhaps that lousy things happen and lousy feelings would try to leech and make things worst. but i will move on, and learn again. another token for experience. words, i would normally say to myself. but not today.

argh! i'm just tad too tired trying my best, and that best is being translated to a big letter F. and no, it is not fun.

... and one day, this will be remembered as a big J, and yes, a joke.

i only enrolled 3 review subjects, but deym, i can't figure out how i'm going to to handle it. for crim, one month for book 1 [lecture, lucky!] and book 2 for the succeeding months for recit. Labor, let's just say that since my prof is ATTY. TAN [sfx tan-tara-tan in horror flicks] argh! close books and close notes, plus must consider every possible question that he may ask related to the topic, meaning, including/down to the implementing rules of labor code and special laws and its implementing rules, plus, every enumerations that i can find, preferably, verbatim. argh! for civ rev 2, argh! the whole oblicon for quiz next meeting and recit, a not-so-optional 700++ case digest, handwritten, plus preferrably 200++ survey of recent cases from june 30, 2010 to july 1, 2011 [typewritten], and a close book, close notes policy, argh! and wait, assigned tolentino's book for oblicon, another book for sales, another book for partnership and agency. argh!

social life... goodbye for the meantime. tabulas... don't worry, you are too therapeutic to be just left out.

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what's with the state policing smokers lately?

police power of the state, i know, i know. but still, it's unfair. smokers have their rights also to erhhhh, release stress, look cool [as described by one of the blogger here], or simply to be just un-healthy. yeah yeah, that there are quite a lot of people who are sensitive about seccond-hand smoke and i do agree that no one should smoke in puj or where there are children or pregnant women nearby. but what's happening now is, it seems that whole metro manila is a non-smoking area. even yosi are being sold like shabu. are we/ am i that too evil to feel like i'm doing something grave at  the expense of the public whenever stress is too much to handle, that whenever i'm smoking i have to check whether there is a police nearby and plan my escape route just in case. there should be a designated area for smokers, i mean, if what they intend is banning smoking, then they should kill me first or force me to a rehab, then they can do so after. not being selfish or shallow, but yeah.

i'm notb making any sense... hahahaha

perhaps the nicotine witdrawal starts to kick in

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